I've spoke about my opinion on this subject before, that I think motherhood should be viewed as a career. Now I've actually gone and done it. I'm now co-owner of a daycare with my best friend and it certainly is Motherhood times 10. I now kind of understand what it must be like to have triplets as there are 3 babies to care for every day, plus my two, plus 6 year old twins after-school.
I love that I get to wear jeans and a sweatshirt to work, not to mention the fluffier and funnier looking the socks the better. I'm the anti-fashionista and I like it this way. Sure I spend most days with some degree of snot, spit up or other bodily fluid on me, and sure I got an accidental hand full of poop when one of the babies was carefully concealing a poop splosion, but I just can't help but laugh about it afterward. It's not anything different than I've encountered during my four years as a mom. Even when there are 3 babies crying I have a great friend there to help me laugh off any feelings of being overwhelmed.
I think it's safe to say that I've slipped into my new career quite seamlessly. I went from sitting in my cubicle like veal to feeling fresh air (weather permitting of course), playing games, reading stories, and hanging out with some pretty cool little people, not that I don't miss some of the co-workers I no longer see. As expected, the pay is not all I dreamed it would be, but we're working on it. All the stress that I had before has melted away and I never worry about getting in trouble for talking to my co-worker too much. I don't have to sit through any more awkward annual reviews where I try to play up my awesomeness to people who don't really care all that much about me anyway. Not to mention that every day is take your children to work day.
If anything it's made me a better mother. I've really watched and helped my children acquire new skills. Hannah has started reading and she works on writing her letters every day. She is using scissors well and has found a love for putting puzzles together. My son has found new children to give hugs to and play with besides his big sister. Sure we're on our second nasty cold in two months and both kids got their very first ear infections last week (in both ears), but hopefully their immune systems will be equipped to handle the onslaught of germs they'll encounter when they start school.
I used to think that if I just made more money and had more time off then I'd be happy in my career. But here I am making less money,working 10 plus hours a day and I couldn't be happier. I sleep like a baby at night and I never ever worry about what the new day will hold for me. I know any stress I feel will quickly be replaced with laughter. I can pull my kids in for a snuggle whenever I want. I can snuggle little babies and know with 99 percent certainty that I will never again have baby fever. We do need more kids enrolled because life is still life and there are always bills that need to be paid, but at least know I know that I won't have to pay with my sanity.
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sunday, October 31, 2010
The Mommy Track
Work and Motherhood should be synonymous, but for some odd reason they are not. When talking about outside paid employment, motherhood is viewed as sort of a detour on the road to career advancement - a maternity leave during which you bond with your baby then promptly enroll them in daycare and mother them on nights and weekends. Well that is the way it used to be thought of anyway.
It's so rare to find a stay at home mom these days. They are going extinct at a rapid rate. Society tells us that we simply cannot afford to care for our children "full-time" and besides women are independent and career oriented and should want to reach for the brass ring with the same zeal as our husbands. But what happens when you trade in the brass ring, for dare I say it, a teething ring?
When I was pregnant with my daughter I expected to return to work full-time and enroll her in daycare, as most moms now do. I was totally fine as long as I operated under the assumption that I simply had no other choice in the matter. I was fine with my assumption oh until about three days after my daughter was born. I called my grandmother to tell her the good news and she asked me if I was going to return to work. When I said yes, she asked me, "but why you wanted that baby so much?" That is one of the few moments I can point to in my life and say see this is where it all changed. She wasn't saying it to be mean or criticize my choice, she simply saw choices that I did not.
She was an immigrant to this country from war-torn Germany. She raised three kids alone for the better part of their childhood. She worked damn hard on farms, in factories, and for wages that may have made my first job after college look like I had made it to "the good life." Work was life for my grandmother. Motherhood was life too and the two things were not in fact separate ideas. I did a paper for college about her work history and in every answer to my questions about work, she infused paid work with family work. Without knowing it, she was saying that for women, the realm of work is not one thing, paid employment or work in the home, it's both simultaneously.
So after crying for weeks about a question I hadn't expected to shake me to my core, I started thinking about what would really make me happy. I talked with my husband, then my mom, then finally my boss. I did something up until this very moment in my life I found so very daunting, I asked for what I needed to make me happy. I wanted to work part-time so I could spend time with my child and still contribute financially to my household. I arranged with my boss to turn my full-time job into a job-share so that I could work part-time. My mom agreed to watch my child (and later my two children) while I was at work. And as a happy consequence I made a great friend in the co-worker and mother who was able to work the other part of my job.
I was lucky that it worked out. I have been happy and now all my stitching of my ideal life is starting to slowly unravel one stitch at a time. All the knots that hold together my work/motherhood life are coming undone.
My job is undergoing a major transition and there is a possibility I could be laid off. My mother broke her foot and is in the hospital and afterwards will need months of rehabilitation and help herself. It's like I'm back to that very moment when my grandmother questioned what I was going to do about work and motherhood. The difference is, she recently passed away and she can not ask, so I guess I have to ask myself again - What's it going to take to make me happy?
I look for jobs online that require me to work full-time. I think of how much more we would struggle if I stayed at home. I look at my children and think of what it took to bring them into this world. I know now, thanks to my grandmother, that I do in fact have choices, but she never said they would be easy ones to make. I can think of just one thing that would make me happy. Just one. Again it hinges on the cooperation of others, it hinges on timing, it hinges on a future that I can not see or touch in this moment in time and like anyone else would be, I'm scared. So I cling to today. I take help when it is offered and say thank you instead of struggling in silence. I try to think of getting through today and tomorrow and try not to assume anything more about the future than that.
There is an old saying that if you have a job or a career and choose any other path besides full-time employment or choose to leave at the end of the day instead of living for your job, you are in fact on the "mommy track." It's a term that was meant to put down women who choose to stand up and say that my family is just as important as my job. I even had a professor in college who tried to discourage me when I told him I didn't plan to go on to grad school by saying, "What are you going to do then, stay home and have babies?"
I was in my early twenties and didn't have a voice then. But I do now. I'm proud to be on the "mommy track." Not everyone gets the privilege to be a mother. But I will be blessed the rest of my life. So while others are pushing their career up the track of success one piece of paper and project at a time, I take the track that meanders, that takes the short hill instead of the mountain. I enjoy the view of my life as it sprawls out before me. I know how this goes; this track is just a different segment of the same roller coaster. The difference is, I fill my car with my family and my hopes for them, not just myself. It goes slower because there is more to pull. It takes the hill over the mountain because what is an exhilarating rush of adrenaline to some, to others is just a rush of fear. I don't know what's going to happen next any more than the next person, but I know one thing that perhaps others may not. I choose to define success on my terms and I know I have more power than even I realize. I can only hope that other women know that too.
It's so rare to find a stay at home mom these days. They are going extinct at a rapid rate. Society tells us that we simply cannot afford to care for our children "full-time" and besides women are independent and career oriented and should want to reach for the brass ring with the same zeal as our husbands. But what happens when you trade in the brass ring, for dare I say it, a teething ring?
When I was pregnant with my daughter I expected to return to work full-time and enroll her in daycare, as most moms now do. I was totally fine as long as I operated under the assumption that I simply had no other choice in the matter. I was fine with my assumption oh until about three days after my daughter was born. I called my grandmother to tell her the good news and she asked me if I was going to return to work. When I said yes, she asked me, "but why you wanted that baby so much?" That is one of the few moments I can point to in my life and say see this is where it all changed. She wasn't saying it to be mean or criticize my choice, she simply saw choices that I did not.
She was an immigrant to this country from war-torn Germany. She raised three kids alone for the better part of their childhood. She worked damn hard on farms, in factories, and for wages that may have made my first job after college look like I had made it to "the good life." Work was life for my grandmother. Motherhood was life too and the two things were not in fact separate ideas. I did a paper for college about her work history and in every answer to my questions about work, she infused paid work with family work. Without knowing it, she was saying that for women, the realm of work is not one thing, paid employment or work in the home, it's both simultaneously.
So after crying for weeks about a question I hadn't expected to shake me to my core, I started thinking about what would really make me happy. I talked with my husband, then my mom, then finally my boss. I did something up until this very moment in my life I found so very daunting, I asked for what I needed to make me happy. I wanted to work part-time so I could spend time with my child and still contribute financially to my household. I arranged with my boss to turn my full-time job into a job-share so that I could work part-time. My mom agreed to watch my child (and later my two children) while I was at work. And as a happy consequence I made a great friend in the co-worker and mother who was able to work the other part of my job.
I was lucky that it worked out. I have been happy and now all my stitching of my ideal life is starting to slowly unravel one stitch at a time. All the knots that hold together my work/motherhood life are coming undone.
My job is undergoing a major transition and there is a possibility I could be laid off. My mother broke her foot and is in the hospital and afterwards will need months of rehabilitation and help herself. It's like I'm back to that very moment when my grandmother questioned what I was going to do about work and motherhood. The difference is, she recently passed away and she can not ask, so I guess I have to ask myself again - What's it going to take to make me happy?
I look for jobs online that require me to work full-time. I think of how much more we would struggle if I stayed at home. I look at my children and think of what it took to bring them into this world. I know now, thanks to my grandmother, that I do in fact have choices, but she never said they would be easy ones to make. I can think of just one thing that would make me happy. Just one. Again it hinges on the cooperation of others, it hinges on timing, it hinges on a future that I can not see or touch in this moment in time and like anyone else would be, I'm scared. So I cling to today. I take help when it is offered and say thank you instead of struggling in silence. I try to think of getting through today and tomorrow and try not to assume anything more about the future than that.
There is an old saying that if you have a job or a career and choose any other path besides full-time employment or choose to leave at the end of the day instead of living for your job, you are in fact on the "mommy track." It's a term that was meant to put down women who choose to stand up and say that my family is just as important as my job. I even had a professor in college who tried to discourage me when I told him I didn't plan to go on to grad school by saying, "What are you going to do then, stay home and have babies?"
I was in my early twenties and didn't have a voice then. But I do now. I'm proud to be on the "mommy track." Not everyone gets the privilege to be a mother. But I will be blessed the rest of my life. So while others are pushing their career up the track of success one piece of paper and project at a time, I take the track that meanders, that takes the short hill instead of the mountain. I enjoy the view of my life as it sprawls out before me. I know how this goes; this track is just a different segment of the same roller coaster. The difference is, I fill my car with my family and my hopes for them, not just myself. It goes slower because there is more to pull. It takes the hill over the mountain because what is an exhilarating rush of adrenaline to some, to others is just a rush of fear. I don't know what's going to happen next any more than the next person, but I know one thing that perhaps others may not. I choose to define success on my terms and I know I have more power than even I realize. I can only hope that other women know that too.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Motherhood The New Career!
I have decided that we ought to be paid to be mothers. We work from sun up to sun down and even in our sleep we hear phantom babies/children crying or simply calling for us. Even the woman, like me, who can sleep through most anything will wake up at the smallest muffled cry when she has children. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the shower and heard my son or daughter cry for me only to realize that in fact it was perfectly quiet and they are both still tucked in and sleeping peacefully. What I'm getting at is that motherhood doesn't shut off, even in our unconsciousness.
If you work "outside the home" and you're a mother then you really work two full time jobs. In my case one and a half. Since I work "outside the home" part time you can count that as my half a job. I hate that 1950s term "outside the home." Work is NOT a place; it's a state of being. It's a to do list that never ends, replenishing itself the second one item gets crossed off. That is motherhood -WORK.
Even if a person LOVES their job. At the end of the day it's still a JOB. So if you have a CAREER is it different? Is the To Do List outlined in glitter? Do you skip to work? Do you hum while doing menial tasks like filing papers, typing notes or sitting in a marathon of meetings? My guess would be a big fat NO, but then again I have a JOB. What that means is that I work for the paycheck, the occassional pat on the head if it's offered and the chance to keep my brain from turning into baby mush. I often wonder if I would forget how to speak "Adult" if I were home by myself with my kids all day. I like my JOB, but I know there is no UP; there is nothing to work toward in terms of advancement. Is that a CAREER? Wanting to move up toward something better, towards a position more full of responsibility and one hopes pay??
Is a CAREER a calling, a strong desire to do something you would do even if money were no object? Is a CAREER the willingness to step into a role (sometimes knowing that you will need to grow into that role) that is more responsibility and one hopes more rewarding as well. If that is the case, then why the hell is MOTHERHOOD not a CAREER? It's perfectly clear to me that we do it, the never ending to do list that is motherhood, with money being no object because it doesn't pay a dime. I happen to think the world would be a lot better place if it were a CAREER. There would be a hell of lot less war, crime, greed, and corruption.
It would be great to get paid for all the work I actually do. I am shaping a future generation and I do it while balancing a bank account that is always teetering on the edge of empty. That means that I'm constantly balancing many other things as well- my marriage, my children, my home, and my job. My responsibilities are hovering around me every second of the day. I'm proud to be able to contribute to my family's income, but I know that if I lost that income I could not afford to stay home and simply raise my kids. So it absolutely sucks on those days when my life and my responsibilites to all those that I love feels like a JOB. If MOTHERHOOD was given the proper respect it deserves, and if it paid just half of the amount good parenting would save our society in punishment of crime, then it would definitely be a CAREER.
If you work "outside the home" and you're a mother then you really work two full time jobs. In my case one and a half. Since I work "outside the home" part time you can count that as my half a job. I hate that 1950s term "outside the home." Work is NOT a place; it's a state of being. It's a to do list that never ends, replenishing itself the second one item gets crossed off. That is motherhood -WORK.
Even if a person LOVES their job. At the end of the day it's still a JOB. So if you have a CAREER is it different? Is the To Do List outlined in glitter? Do you skip to work? Do you hum while doing menial tasks like filing papers, typing notes or sitting in a marathon of meetings? My guess would be a big fat NO, but then again I have a JOB. What that means is that I work for the paycheck, the occassional pat on the head if it's offered and the chance to keep my brain from turning into baby mush. I often wonder if I would forget how to speak "Adult" if I were home by myself with my kids all day. I like my JOB, but I know there is no UP; there is nothing to work toward in terms of advancement. Is that a CAREER? Wanting to move up toward something better, towards a position more full of responsibility and one hopes pay??
Is a CAREER a calling, a strong desire to do something you would do even if money were no object? Is a CAREER the willingness to step into a role (sometimes knowing that you will need to grow into that role) that is more responsibility and one hopes more rewarding as well. If that is the case, then why the hell is MOTHERHOOD not a CAREER? It's perfectly clear to me that we do it, the never ending to do list that is motherhood, with money being no object because it doesn't pay a dime. I happen to think the world would be a lot better place if it were a CAREER. There would be a hell of lot less war, crime, greed, and corruption.
It would be great to get paid for all the work I actually do. I am shaping a future generation and I do it while balancing a bank account that is always teetering on the edge of empty. That means that I'm constantly balancing many other things as well- my marriage, my children, my home, and my job. My responsibilities are hovering around me every second of the day. I'm proud to be able to contribute to my family's income, but I know that if I lost that income I could not afford to stay home and simply raise my kids. So it absolutely sucks on those days when my life and my responsibilites to all those that I love feels like a JOB. If MOTHERHOOD was given the proper respect it deserves, and if it paid just half of the amount good parenting would save our society in punishment of crime, then it would definitely be a CAREER.
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