I've spoke about my opinion on this subject before, that I think motherhood should be viewed as a career. Now I've actually gone and done it. I'm now co-owner of a daycare with my best friend and it certainly is Motherhood times 10. I now kind of understand what it must be like to have triplets as there are 3 babies to care for every day, plus my two, plus 6 year old twins after-school.
I love that I get to wear jeans and a sweatshirt to work, not to mention the fluffier and funnier looking the socks the better. I'm the anti-fashionista and I like it this way. Sure I spend most days with some degree of snot, spit up or other bodily fluid on me, and sure I got an accidental hand full of poop when one of the babies was carefully concealing a poop splosion, but I just can't help but laugh about it afterward. It's not anything different than I've encountered during my four years as a mom. Even when there are 3 babies crying I have a great friend there to help me laugh off any feelings of being overwhelmed.
I think it's safe to say that I've slipped into my new career quite seamlessly. I went from sitting in my cubicle like veal to feeling fresh air (weather permitting of course), playing games, reading stories, and hanging out with some pretty cool little people, not that I don't miss some of the co-workers I no longer see. As expected, the pay is not all I dreamed it would be, but we're working on it. All the stress that I had before has melted away and I never worry about getting in trouble for talking to my co-worker too much. I don't have to sit through any more awkward annual reviews where I try to play up my awesomeness to people who don't really care all that much about me anyway. Not to mention that every day is take your children to work day.
If anything it's made me a better mother. I've really watched and helped my children acquire new skills. Hannah has started reading and she works on writing her letters every day. She is using scissors well and has found a love for putting puzzles together. My son has found new children to give hugs to and play with besides his big sister. Sure we're on our second nasty cold in two months and both kids got their very first ear infections last week (in both ears), but hopefully their immune systems will be equipped to handle the onslaught of germs they'll encounter when they start school.
I used to think that if I just made more money and had more time off then I'd be happy in my career. But here I am making less money,working 10 plus hours a day and I couldn't be happier. I sleep like a baby at night and I never ever worry about what the new day will hold for me. I know any stress I feel will quickly be replaced with laughter. I can pull my kids in for a snuggle whenever I want. I can snuggle little babies and know with 99 percent certainty that I will never again have baby fever. We do need more kids enrolled because life is still life and there are always bills that need to be paid, but at least know I know that I won't have to pay with my sanity.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Top 10 Things Kids Do Better Than Grown Ups
I'm feeling a bit frustrated by the adult world at the moment so I've decided to compile a list of what kids do better than us adults. I'm speaking primarily of toddlers and preschoolers for this particular post. Maybe we can all take a lesson or two from them.
1. Their shit may stink, but at least it's easy to clean up. Well for the most part anyway. Unlike the shit adults deal with which never seems to go away.
2. Their games are always intended to be fun. Unlike the games adults play to manipulate other adults into doing what they want.
3. They say what they mean. Even when they don't quite have the verbal skills to express it precisely, there is very little guessing at their intentions. Even when you must litterally guess, you only have to go through the list of basic neccessities to figure it out: food, sleep, drink, medical attention, entertainment.
4. They do not have to hold back their love. It's full on, whole heart, no need for all or nothing because it's always ALL their love.
5. They do not worry about abstract problems that don't exist in real time or affect them directly. They do not wonder what the world would be like if animal crackers did not exist or what would happen to their poop if potties had not been invented.
6. They take true JOY in life. A walk in the park, a favorite story, cuddling on the couch with mommy, playing with a friend, bathing in our birthday cake icing. NOBODY enjoys life's simple pleasures like a child.
7. While they may feel possessive about a toy, they eventually remember there are many other toys to play with. I watched my daughter and nephew have a blast playing with clothes pins the other day. Fun is wherever you are, because you make it yourself. Adults hold tight to their possessions as an outward symbol of their status in this world, but you know what they say "you can't take it with you..."
8. They do not yet feel compelled to fit ALL that they are into the small box the world intends to stuff you into. Cowboy boots with a ballerina tutu, sure looks great.
9. They have no FEAR of failure. They simply do or don't do things, but they don't worry about potentially doing something wrong, sometimes to the extreme of being paralyzed into doing nothing at all.
10. The BEST thing kids do better than adults, they REMIND US on a daily basis, that once upon a time WE WERE THE BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES, long before we became self-involved, fear driven, jaded, and apethetic. THEY ARE THE BEST PART OF US.
The saying goes, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." BUT maybe if we wise up one day, we can UNLEARN all the NEW BAD HABITS, look to our children and find the inspiration to be BETTER, do BETTER...Find happiness in every moment life is willing to offer up...because NONE of know when that offer is going to be taken off the table.
Got a reason not on the list, please share it.
1. Their shit may stink, but at least it's easy to clean up. Well for the most part anyway. Unlike the shit adults deal with which never seems to go away.
2. Their games are always intended to be fun. Unlike the games adults play to manipulate other adults into doing what they want.
3. They say what they mean. Even when they don't quite have the verbal skills to express it precisely, there is very little guessing at their intentions. Even when you must litterally guess, you only have to go through the list of basic neccessities to figure it out: food, sleep, drink, medical attention, entertainment.
4. They do not have to hold back their love. It's full on, whole heart, no need for all or nothing because it's always ALL their love.
5. They do not worry about abstract problems that don't exist in real time or affect them directly. They do not wonder what the world would be like if animal crackers did not exist or what would happen to their poop if potties had not been invented.
6. They take true JOY in life. A walk in the park, a favorite story, cuddling on the couch with mommy, playing with a friend, bathing in our birthday cake icing. NOBODY enjoys life's simple pleasures like a child.
7. While they may feel possessive about a toy, they eventually remember there are many other toys to play with. I watched my daughter and nephew have a blast playing with clothes pins the other day. Fun is wherever you are, because you make it yourself. Adults hold tight to their possessions as an outward symbol of their status in this world, but you know what they say "you can't take it with you..."
8. They do not yet feel compelled to fit ALL that they are into the small box the world intends to stuff you into. Cowboy boots with a ballerina tutu, sure looks great.
9. They have no FEAR of failure. They simply do or don't do things, but they don't worry about potentially doing something wrong, sometimes to the extreme of being paralyzed into doing nothing at all.
10. The BEST thing kids do better than adults, they REMIND US on a daily basis, that once upon a time WE WERE THE BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES, long before we became self-involved, fear driven, jaded, and apethetic. THEY ARE THE BEST PART OF US.
The saying goes, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." BUT maybe if we wise up one day, we can UNLEARN all the NEW BAD HABITS, look to our children and find the inspiration to be BETTER, do BETTER...Find happiness in every moment life is willing to offer up...because NONE of know when that offer is going to be taken off the table.
Got a reason not on the list, please share it.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Is The Grass Really Greener on The Other Side?
Ok, since I translate my life into motherhood here's another lesson I'd like to teach my kids and since my love of words and metaphors is overwhelming me right now I just have to go with it: If you think the grass is always greener on the other side, it's because you've stopped tending your own lawn. You will always think that someone has something bigger and better than what you have and the bottom line is if you want to really be happy in life than stop envying what others have and focus on what you have.
Here's what I've learned in my 30 years so far. When you start paying so close attention to what others have you start measuring and translating your life and your happiness in terms of what it is not. Does anyone ever find happiness by trying to gage what one does not have that others do?
I can honestly say that my life has not been a bed of roses. I've been through some dark and trying times, but I'd like to think that I have learned how to see through these periods in life to the brighter side that lies beyond. At some point, I hope my children do as I did and ask themselves this key question - What is it that I truly need to make me happy? I hope they think long and hard about this question. I hope to be the buzzer that sounds in their head if what comes to mind is a possession or a dollar amount. If this is what jumps to their minds, then unfortunately the grass will always be greener on the other side. There will always be someone whose possessions and income are more enviable.
Three years ago, I was an individual. The only person I had to dream for was me. Now I'm a mom. If you don't have kids, I'm not sure you understand what it means to have your whole life change in ways you never expected. It made me really re-evaluate what I wanted out of life. I don't know if I really wanted to move up the corporate ladder, rub shoulders with those in positions I coveted and make allies among the other "young professionals" whose goals were the same. Every time I get approached by these "young professional" organizations now to join and participate in whatever "career development" program they're offering I kind of smile inside. It's not because I don't agree with what they are doing. It's because they don't see it in me. Sometimes I think everything about me is so clear. I'm the living cliche of someone who wears their heart on their sleeve so I sometimes forget that not everything I am is so transparent.
I'm a mom I tell them. Then I get this blank stare. I say this by way of explanation, as in I don't have time for extra curricular activities. I have a job and I have a family so that leaves um virtually no time for anything else. At this juncture in my life, I don't know if I will ever want to be on the career development, upwardly mobile path. I know that's what people think I'm supposed to want. But that's where my handy dandy philosophy comes in, I CHOOSE what I want and three years ago I CHOSE to become a mom. After I lost my first baby, I realized that it's a choice people sometimes take for granted. As if it is always there; an easy option that will be waiting for them whenever they decide the time is right. I'm not saying its a bad thing to be career oriented, to be ambitious, but I would just like to make sure that my children stop, take a second and ask themselves "What is it that I need to make me happy?"
I have asked myself this question on several occasions. The answer keeps coming back the same. I need my family to make me happy. When my daughter was born, I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her in daycare and then I got a call that would actually start me on a new path. It was my grandmother who inadvertently and painfully reminded me of the many more options I have in my life than she did. So I sat down and asked the question and thus hatched my job share plan. I work part-time now and yes my bank account is pretty sad on any given day and yes I haven't had my hair cut in at least six months, but I have seen my kids first steps, heard their first words, and even on days where the temper tantrums of my three-year-old infuriate me and my son is being so needy that I can't get a square inch of air to call my own, I don't feel anything but happiness when I think of my life. I have what I need and that makes me happy. Would I like to go on a fancy vacation this year, buy a bigger house, have more money in my bank account? ABSOLUTELY. But I know that I am NOT willing to have time with my family be the sacrifice I make for it. That is just me. That was the answer to my question. I hope they know that they, along with my husband, are what I need to be happy.
I hope that one day they know that the grass is only greener on the other side if you've stopped tending your own lawn. So Hannah and Jayden if you read this one day, do your mom a favor. After you've thought long and hard about what you need to make you happy, get up and go get it. You will be amazed, trust me, at how very possible your dreams are.
Here's what I've learned in my 30 years so far. When you start paying so close attention to what others have you start measuring and translating your life and your happiness in terms of what it is not. Does anyone ever find happiness by trying to gage what one does not have that others do?
I can honestly say that my life has not been a bed of roses. I've been through some dark and trying times, but I'd like to think that I have learned how to see through these periods in life to the brighter side that lies beyond. At some point, I hope my children do as I did and ask themselves this key question - What is it that I truly need to make me happy? I hope they think long and hard about this question. I hope to be the buzzer that sounds in their head if what comes to mind is a possession or a dollar amount. If this is what jumps to their minds, then unfortunately the grass will always be greener on the other side. There will always be someone whose possessions and income are more enviable.
Three years ago, I was an individual. The only person I had to dream for was me. Now I'm a mom. If you don't have kids, I'm not sure you understand what it means to have your whole life change in ways you never expected. It made me really re-evaluate what I wanted out of life. I don't know if I really wanted to move up the corporate ladder, rub shoulders with those in positions I coveted and make allies among the other "young professionals" whose goals were the same. Every time I get approached by these "young professional" organizations now to join and participate in whatever "career development" program they're offering I kind of smile inside. It's not because I don't agree with what they are doing. It's because they don't see it in me. Sometimes I think everything about me is so clear. I'm the living cliche of someone who wears their heart on their sleeve so I sometimes forget that not everything I am is so transparent.
I'm a mom I tell them. Then I get this blank stare. I say this by way of explanation, as in I don't have time for extra curricular activities. I have a job and I have a family so that leaves um virtually no time for anything else. At this juncture in my life, I don't know if I will ever want to be on the career development, upwardly mobile path. I know that's what people think I'm supposed to want. But that's where my handy dandy philosophy comes in, I CHOOSE what I want and three years ago I CHOSE to become a mom. After I lost my first baby, I realized that it's a choice people sometimes take for granted. As if it is always there; an easy option that will be waiting for them whenever they decide the time is right. I'm not saying its a bad thing to be career oriented, to be ambitious, but I would just like to make sure that my children stop, take a second and ask themselves "What is it that I need to make me happy?"
I have asked myself this question on several occasions. The answer keeps coming back the same. I need my family to make me happy. When my daughter was born, I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her in daycare and then I got a call that would actually start me on a new path. It was my grandmother who inadvertently and painfully reminded me of the many more options I have in my life than she did. So I sat down and asked the question and thus hatched my job share plan. I work part-time now and yes my bank account is pretty sad on any given day and yes I haven't had my hair cut in at least six months, but I have seen my kids first steps, heard their first words, and even on days where the temper tantrums of my three-year-old infuriate me and my son is being so needy that I can't get a square inch of air to call my own, I don't feel anything but happiness when I think of my life. I have what I need and that makes me happy. Would I like to go on a fancy vacation this year, buy a bigger house, have more money in my bank account? ABSOLUTELY. But I know that I am NOT willing to have time with my family be the sacrifice I make for it. That is just me. That was the answer to my question. I hope they know that they, along with my husband, are what I need to be happy.
I hope that one day they know that the grass is only greener on the other side if you've stopped tending your own lawn. So Hannah and Jayden if you read this one day, do your mom a favor. After you've thought long and hard about what you need to make you happy, get up and go get it. You will be amazed, trust me, at how very possible your dreams are.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The Baby Bump
I can only credit one person for the creation of the "baby bump" - my wonderful husband. Before your mind takes a turn for the dirty - no I"m not talking about the term developed by tabloid magazines to "out" a pregnant star. I'm talking about a special non-verbal "I love you" that our children have learned since infancy.
I couldn't tell you exactly when he came up with it or why, but it has grown into a full fledged tradition, beginning with my daughter Hannah who is now 3 and continued with my son Jayden who is nearly 10 months old. My husband leans his head forward toward toward my children's foreheads and then I guess thanks to "monkey see monkey do" they lean in and together they bump foreheads.
It was like any tradition to sweep quietly into the heart of a family. It has been understood from the moment of creation that it means "I love you." So in a sense my children and I have been "saying" I love you since they developed neck control. My mom and step-dad quickly adopted it as well. My son takes it to a sometimes painful level of enthusiasm - giving multiple bumps to the point of potential concussion. Like his parents he's an all or nothing kind of kid.
Thanks to the creation of the "baby bump" I have learned that sometimes it's what you DON'T say that becomes the most special expression of love. Anyone can say the words "I love you." But the "baby bump" that's all ours. Do you have a special non-verbal tradition with your kids? Feel free to share. That's what we teach our kids right? Use your words and share. Certainly those are the lessons I'd like to instill in my kids - and many adults for that matter.
I couldn't tell you exactly when he came up with it or why, but it has grown into a full fledged tradition, beginning with my daughter Hannah who is now 3 and continued with my son Jayden who is nearly 10 months old. My husband leans his head forward toward toward my children's foreheads and then I guess thanks to "monkey see monkey do" they lean in and together they bump foreheads.
It was like any tradition to sweep quietly into the heart of a family. It has been understood from the moment of creation that it means "I love you." So in a sense my children and I have been "saying" I love you since they developed neck control. My mom and step-dad quickly adopted it as well. My son takes it to a sometimes painful level of enthusiasm - giving multiple bumps to the point of potential concussion. Like his parents he's an all or nothing kind of kid.
Thanks to the creation of the "baby bump" I have learned that sometimes it's what you DON'T say that becomes the most special expression of love. Anyone can say the words "I love you." But the "baby bump" that's all ours. Do you have a special non-verbal tradition with your kids? Feel free to share. That's what we teach our kids right? Use your words and share. Certainly those are the lessons I'd like to instill in my kids - and many adults for that matter.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
There is no "ME" in MOMMY
If you ask yourself at least once a day, "Am I doing the right thing?," "Am I failing my children?," "Am I a horrible mother?" LISTEN UP - you're perfectly normal. What I find most intriguing about motherhood is that rarely does a woman truly ask herself, "What about me?"
The first thing to go when you become a parent is simply "you." Short of changing your identity by joining wittness protection, you are in short a completely different "you" once you have children. If you're like me, you view your pre-child life kinda like a good old familiar movie you remember watching over and over. You know the lines by heart, but ultimately you are a spectator viewing your own past. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's just different.
I wish I could say that having children makes you completely selfless. That you are devoted 100% of the time to your child(ren)'s utter happiness, but this is real life and not the hallmark channel. There are days, especially when your feeling sick, tired, rundown, unappreciated, overwhelmed where you want to scream, "WHAT ABOUT ME???" You wonder, sometimes outloud, where's my help? Where's my vacation?" Hell most days I'd settle for getting in the car by myself and going anywhere, hearing silence and not being so utterly tired that I can appreciate it for more than the few minutes it takes to drag my ass to bed.
As a very introspective person, motherhood has been like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. I always prided myself in knowing exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. But I have found myself, even hearing myself as I'm doing it screaming at a toddler, begging a baby not to cry, cursing a husband for working late even though I know it's for the benefit of our family but because I need help and god damn it there is no freaking end to my day. Parenthood doesn't have a pause button, a rewind, there is no do over so this is where the worry comes in "Am I failing my children?" "Am I balancing work and family or will the scale always be tipped?" God the worry doesn't stop. I simpy have to hope that we all escape parenthood and childhood without any permanent scaring. But I have decided at least for myself that there is no Right Way to be a parent. There is simply what you do and what you don't do and as long as you can appreciate that and the fact that you can't always control the outcome and for the most part you're ok with the direction you take, then you ARE a good parent and you ARE a good person.
I may wonder sometimes "Will there ever come a day where I have more than a 20 minute shower to call my ALONE TIME?," but while walking around my empty house after returning from urgent care a few weeks ago, I was a little freaked out by how ALONE I really was. I simply didn't remember what to do without children to take care of. So I cleaned, not my favorite past time by any stretch of the imagination, but I was used to feeling useful, needed, depended upon and completely loved nearly every second of the day and the temporary silence was utterly deafening. So I have traded in "ME" for "MOMMY." It's not to say there is no more me, there is just a new ME, a forever changed version of ME. Sometimes I may look back, but never with regret.
The first thing to go when you become a parent is simply "you." Short of changing your identity by joining wittness protection, you are in short a completely different "you" once you have children. If you're like me, you view your pre-child life kinda like a good old familiar movie you remember watching over and over. You know the lines by heart, but ultimately you are a spectator viewing your own past. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's just different.
I wish I could say that having children makes you completely selfless. That you are devoted 100% of the time to your child(ren)'s utter happiness, but this is real life and not the hallmark channel. There are days, especially when your feeling sick, tired, rundown, unappreciated, overwhelmed where you want to scream, "WHAT ABOUT ME???" You wonder, sometimes outloud, where's my help? Where's my vacation?" Hell most days I'd settle for getting in the car by myself and going anywhere, hearing silence and not being so utterly tired that I can appreciate it for more than the few minutes it takes to drag my ass to bed.
As a very introspective person, motherhood has been like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. I always prided myself in knowing exactly who I am and what I'm capable of. But I have found myself, even hearing myself as I'm doing it screaming at a toddler, begging a baby not to cry, cursing a husband for working late even though I know it's for the benefit of our family but because I need help and god damn it there is no freaking end to my day. Parenthood doesn't have a pause button, a rewind, there is no do over so this is where the worry comes in "Am I failing my children?" "Am I balancing work and family or will the scale always be tipped?" God the worry doesn't stop. I simpy have to hope that we all escape parenthood and childhood without any permanent scaring. But I have decided at least for myself that there is no Right Way to be a parent. There is simply what you do and what you don't do and as long as you can appreciate that and the fact that you can't always control the outcome and for the most part you're ok with the direction you take, then you ARE a good parent and you ARE a good person.
I may wonder sometimes "Will there ever come a day where I have more than a 20 minute shower to call my ALONE TIME?," but while walking around my empty house after returning from urgent care a few weeks ago, I was a little freaked out by how ALONE I really was. I simply didn't remember what to do without children to take care of. So I cleaned, not my favorite past time by any stretch of the imagination, but I was used to feeling useful, needed, depended upon and completely loved nearly every second of the day and the temporary silence was utterly deafening. So I have traded in "ME" for "MOMMY." It's not to say there is no more me, there is just a new ME, a forever changed version of ME. Sometimes I may look back, but never with regret.
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