Ask any mom if they were happy before they had children and I'll bet they say yes. They had freedom, energy, creativity, and their youth was on their side. A few days before my daughter turned four, my mother said to me, "How is it possible that just four years ago you had no children?" That was a lifetime ago I thought. Four years, two kids ago I considered myself to be happy. I was a newly-wed, coping with being a cash poor home owner.
I was happy at the time. But from the moment my first child was born, I decided that happiness was a moving target and in fact, I didn't know just what my capacity for happiness was until I looked into the eyes of this tiny person that I had created. It's safe to say that I had no idea just what I was capable of until I had children.
I never knew just how much I could love another person. Despite losing my dad at a painfully young age, I didn't know until I became a mom just how much I stood to lose in this world. It is that ever painful reminder, that gaping hole that losing a parent creates in ones life, that reminds me nearly every second just what can be lost, without warning and without any regard for what I consider fair. It's the grindstone my emotions are constantly sharpened against. It's the reality we all know but seldom acknowledge, filtering in with painful clarity when a little blurriness is actually necessary to get through the every day routine of life.
When I was in high school, friends would ask me why I was single. That was the high school equivalent of being unhappy. The truth was that I never really cared to be in a relationship. I actually prefered to watch the high school melodrama unfold from the sidelines instead being caught in the web of adolescent romance whose rules and affections moved and changed with a swift breeze. Then in college, while wallowing in homesickness I did something I had never done before. I gave my number and a chance to a boy I had never seen before and didn't know at all. I don't think I could have imagined at 19 that he would be it - my whole notion of love and trust and the model relationship I never saw growing up.
Falling in love with my husband was to that point in my life, the single scariest thing I had ever experienced. It forced me to let go, be out of control, give someone this power over my happiness that I had somehow imagined to be the gesture of a weak person who didn't really think that they alone were all they needed to be happy. Falling in love turned out to be the mirror that I always wished I had. My husband allowed me to see in myself the person I always wished I was, the person I had been all along.
Tonight while driving home, I looked at my kids faces in the rear view mirror and I thought about how everything I believed about happiness now centers around them. They made me realize that I will do whatever it takes to spend as much time with them as I can because they define happiness for me now. The fact that Hannah and Jayden love me, depend on me, and because at this moment in time I can safely say that their happiness depends on me, I have defined happiness as being worthy of them. I owe it to them to pursue my dreams with passion because I have spent too much of my life thinking I didn't deserve to have all my dreams come true. I think that despite all my fears that my imperfections as a mother will somehow change them in a negative way, I know that I am one of the only people on this Earth that gets to make them smile and be the mirror that they need in order to see the amazing people that they are.
Being a mom has made it pretty clear to me, this one amazing truth, that happiness is not something I have the luxury of hoping will happen. I must make it happen.
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life lessons. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Top 10 Things Kids Do Better Than Grown Ups
I'm feeling a bit frustrated by the adult world at the moment so I've decided to compile a list of what kids do better than us adults. I'm speaking primarily of toddlers and preschoolers for this particular post. Maybe we can all take a lesson or two from them.
1. Their shit may stink, but at least it's easy to clean up. Well for the most part anyway. Unlike the shit adults deal with which never seems to go away.
2. Their games are always intended to be fun. Unlike the games adults play to manipulate other adults into doing what they want.
3. They say what they mean. Even when they don't quite have the verbal skills to express it precisely, there is very little guessing at their intentions. Even when you must litterally guess, you only have to go through the list of basic neccessities to figure it out: food, sleep, drink, medical attention, entertainment.
4. They do not have to hold back their love. It's full on, whole heart, no need for all or nothing because it's always ALL their love.
5. They do not worry about abstract problems that don't exist in real time or affect them directly. They do not wonder what the world would be like if animal crackers did not exist or what would happen to their poop if potties had not been invented.
6. They take true JOY in life. A walk in the park, a favorite story, cuddling on the couch with mommy, playing with a friend, bathing in our birthday cake icing. NOBODY enjoys life's simple pleasures like a child.
7. While they may feel possessive about a toy, they eventually remember there are many other toys to play with. I watched my daughter and nephew have a blast playing with clothes pins the other day. Fun is wherever you are, because you make it yourself. Adults hold tight to their possessions as an outward symbol of their status in this world, but you know what they say "you can't take it with you..."
8. They do not yet feel compelled to fit ALL that they are into the small box the world intends to stuff you into. Cowboy boots with a ballerina tutu, sure looks great.
9. They have no FEAR of failure. They simply do or don't do things, but they don't worry about potentially doing something wrong, sometimes to the extreme of being paralyzed into doing nothing at all.
10. The BEST thing kids do better than adults, they REMIND US on a daily basis, that once upon a time WE WERE THE BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES, long before we became self-involved, fear driven, jaded, and apethetic. THEY ARE THE BEST PART OF US.
The saying goes, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." BUT maybe if we wise up one day, we can UNLEARN all the NEW BAD HABITS, look to our children and find the inspiration to be BETTER, do BETTER...Find happiness in every moment life is willing to offer up...because NONE of know when that offer is going to be taken off the table.
Got a reason not on the list, please share it.
1. Their shit may stink, but at least it's easy to clean up. Well for the most part anyway. Unlike the shit adults deal with which never seems to go away.
2. Their games are always intended to be fun. Unlike the games adults play to manipulate other adults into doing what they want.
3. They say what they mean. Even when they don't quite have the verbal skills to express it precisely, there is very little guessing at their intentions. Even when you must litterally guess, you only have to go through the list of basic neccessities to figure it out: food, sleep, drink, medical attention, entertainment.
4. They do not have to hold back their love. It's full on, whole heart, no need for all or nothing because it's always ALL their love.
5. They do not worry about abstract problems that don't exist in real time or affect them directly. They do not wonder what the world would be like if animal crackers did not exist or what would happen to their poop if potties had not been invented.
6. They take true JOY in life. A walk in the park, a favorite story, cuddling on the couch with mommy, playing with a friend, bathing in our birthday cake icing. NOBODY enjoys life's simple pleasures like a child.
7. While they may feel possessive about a toy, they eventually remember there are many other toys to play with. I watched my daughter and nephew have a blast playing with clothes pins the other day. Fun is wherever you are, because you make it yourself. Adults hold tight to their possessions as an outward symbol of their status in this world, but you know what they say "you can't take it with you..."
8. They do not yet feel compelled to fit ALL that they are into the small box the world intends to stuff you into. Cowboy boots with a ballerina tutu, sure looks great.
9. They have no FEAR of failure. They simply do or don't do things, but they don't worry about potentially doing something wrong, sometimes to the extreme of being paralyzed into doing nothing at all.
10. The BEST thing kids do better than adults, they REMIND US on a daily basis, that once upon a time WE WERE THE BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES, long before we became self-involved, fear driven, jaded, and apethetic. THEY ARE THE BEST PART OF US.
The saying goes, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." BUT maybe if we wise up one day, we can UNLEARN all the NEW BAD HABITS, look to our children and find the inspiration to be BETTER, do BETTER...Find happiness in every moment life is willing to offer up...because NONE of know when that offer is going to be taken off the table.
Got a reason not on the list, please share it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)